Catalysts in our Midst

I recently had a chance to sit and “visit” with two of my cousins over about an 8 hour time period. That included dinner, but it was still an impressive talk fest. We covered a lot of topics. We are related through our mothers, who were part of a family with 12 children, so we had lots of examples to use in our conversation.

One topic was why some families are really close, and others barely communicate, and how it changes through the years, from childhood through the senior years (which we are all enthusiastically embracing).

The award for the “closest” family goes to my cousins in Des Moines. They are four sisters with a sweetheart of a father and the world’s best “hugger” of a mother. They are all closely involved with each other’s families. The second sister also has a love of having everyone to her house and feeding them, on any and all holidays, including birthdays and any other special day that comes along. She and her sisters really enjoy each other and their combined families. But she is a catalyst, making it possible for the others to see and interact as often as possible. Because of this, their kids, and their grandkids all know and enjoy each other.

One of my cousins stated that her family isn’t that close, and that they may have gotten more of the “in law” side of the gene pool. Her eldest sister tries the hardest, but is handicapped by living far away, in Texas. My other cousin said her family hadn’t been that close in the past, but had become closer in the last few years. She’s not sure who gets the credit/blame. I don’t remember being that close to my sister and brother growing up (I was the oldest and they were pesky). But now I would consider them my closest friends. And our kids and grandkids are getting to know each other better because my sister, the catalyst, likes to have everyone over to her house to feed and celebrate every possible holiday, etc. So my family is pretty close because of my sister.

Some members of this extended family enjoy instigating, planning and participating in family reunions. Others, not so much. But because of these family reunions, our kids and grandkids get to know each other and find that they enjoy each other and have some things in common (example: good/bad/or ugly relatives). We had a reunion in AZ a couple of years ago, and one of my best memories is of the nightly poker games. (I only know of them on a second hand basis, as I was one of the majority that went to bed early.) A cousin in my generation started them the first night by posting a signup sheet. The rest of the players were from the third generation. Within an hour, they had all her money and she was out of the game. The third generation kids continued to meet every night, after most of us had gone to bed, and played poker and got to know each other and had a great time. A great memory and the start of some great friendships.

It is no surprise that my sister, the catalyst, and my cousin (the second daughter from Des Moines), also a catalyst, are a couple of the prime backers of an upcoming family reunion to take place in July of 2012. I would offer a heartfelt thanks to these and other “catalysts”, who make it possible for the rest of us to remain in close contact with each other and pass that privilege on to our children.